1) People get all fancy dressed and red carpet up a set of stairs.
2) People punch up Jay Z in an elevator
3) it's another place where Kanye West and Anna Wintour look like the most bored human beings on the entire planet.
This year's Met Gala was to the theme of 'China: Through the Looking Glass'. Which some people took literally - whether the China part, or the looking part. Here's the most memorable looks from the Met Gala red carpet.
Best Dressed Kiwi
Far out Lorde. A few points on why she's looking amazing: one, she's not in complete black head-to-toe; two, she looks amazing in blue; three, those cat eyes.
Most Handsy Couple
FKA Twigs and Robert Pattinson. They're still the strangest couple combination to me, but if you look carefully you may be able to see which hand is actually a real hand on FKA Twigs.
Most Uncomfortable Looking Dress
Solange, is your dress backwards? (side note: this dress does look amazing side on. If only you could see past her giant galaxy printed lantern)
Best Dressed Shining Twins
You know, I always thought if there was an evil twin, Mary Kate Olsen would be the evil one. But I can't even guess anymore by the look on Ashley's face. Their both equally creepy gothic never-aging twins that never find clothes that properly fit.
Most Impressive Space Age Red Riding Hood Costume
Anne Hathaway took some old inspiration from her Ella Enchanted days, and went to Star Wars.
Most Improved Outfit
Ms Madonna. Because these clothes are covering her butt for once. And she actually looks younger than she normally does since she's a bit more relaxed with the sharp make up. I mean it's still an ugly dress and the elbow gloves need to move on - but don't we all remember how bad the 2013 Met Gala outfit was? Yikes.
Triplet-ing Award
Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Kim Kardashian. Aka the trifecta of booty who all decided to wear very revealing dresses in different colours and patterns - but they all basically look the same. And I have a problem with all of their looks. JLo for awfully sharp looking makeup and using a beaded dragon to cover up her nips and buds; Beyonce for wearing hair that was only appropriate for Sporty Spice and children under 5; and Kim Kardashian for just making us look at her butt again.
There were a couple of Worst Dressed Nominees that were really tough contenders for the final Worst Dressed title...
Katy Perry for wearing the graffiti from the inside of a South Auckland train tunnel, then pairing it with Bieber hair and a drag queen shaped dress. I thought it was a Gala on China, not the back alley behind a Chinese takeaways.
Miley Cyrus. When did covering your neck but showing your pelvic bones become an in thing?
But it quite frankly couldn't be done by this Worst Dressed Female:
Who invites Kris Jenner to these things? Seriously. She looks like a cockatoo, like her dress took the curtains from The Emmy Awards, like the leftovers of Sarah Jessica Parker's outfit, like she took a table cloth and table runners to put that together. I could keep coming up with more comparisons if I wanted to.
And as for Best Dressed Female, there was absolutely no competition to this outfit.
Rihanna literally looked like a queen. Or at least a woman draped in a dancing Chinese dragon outfit. But while it's striking, and a little bit Big Bird intense yellow - it honestly looks so royal and glamourous, no one will deny it doesn't fit at the Met Gala.
I just want to take that dress, crawl into bed and sleep the night away in comfort and luxury. Possibly the world's warmest looking duvet ever.
And since it's late and we need to finish off the night with the classic Lady Gaga Award
Let's be real - Sarah Jessica Parker out-Gaga'd Lady Gaga just on headpiece alone. Check out those shoes too. Wow.
