currently: listening to 'Lanterns' by Benny Tipene #newzealandmusicmonth
If you were like me and disappointed by the overloaded celebrity filled Taylor Swift music video, then there wasn't anything else that was that interesting about the Billboard Music Awards. One Direction had a wah on about Zac or Zane who left the band, Sam Smith said an entire speech via cue cards, and Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift had a pretty tight cuddle after every award she won. Cool, now you're caught up. Time for the fashion.
First up, I want to talk about the
Best Looking 45-year-old but the
Most Predictable outfit:
Jennifer Lopez. I know Buzzfeed dedicated an entire article about how Jennifer Lopez is 45-years-old and can wear outfits like this. But she's also Jennifer Lopez and has won outfits like this several times.
Such as American Idol finale:
Her Billboard outfit pretty much an inverted version of the dress - cover the side butt, show the stomach. Cover the stomach, show the side butt. Yeah she looks great but she also looks the same - like Sofia Vergara at every awards shows. Speaking of...
Best Sofia Vergara lookalike:
Jennette McCurdy. Because I honestly thought, while scrolling down the page, she was Sofia Vergara. Not because she looks like Sofia Vergara but because she's dressed in an outfit that says "I stole a dress that's too big for me from Sofia Vergara's closet." From the mermaid dress, to the sparkles, to the low cut back and low cut front... I honestly was surprised to realise it wasn't Sofia Vergara wearing her token body figure hugging dress.
Best boyband dress-up
One Direction, once again ticking off every generic look a boyband needs to cover on a red carpet. You've got (from the left) the David Beckham stonefaced guy, generic tee and blazer guy, that guy at the party who wear shades indoors and looks like a loser, and a guy that looks homeless/looks like Hozier.
That blonde one also nails a good emoticon face.
Best Disco Throwback:
John Legend and Chrissy Teigen look like something out of That 70s Show except with slightly smaller hair. Striped jumpsuit pattern from retro hotel curtains...but at least they make Chrissy Teigen's legs look super long.
Weirdest dress combination:
Guliana Rancic. It's like someone handed her a checklist of her outfit preferences and she ticked 'D) All of the above'. It's short, it's long. It's belted, it's not. It's got cutouts, it doesn't. It's like they got handed two patterns for two different dresses and accidentally cut it out as one. But at least it's all in black, so that's not as confusing.
Worst Pants:
Nick Jonas. Someone, get the man an iron! How do you walk out to a red carpet event with pants that wrinkled.
Most revealing dress?
Estelle. The award has a question mark on purpose because the way her hand is placed is not to show off her manicure or her ring, but it seems like it's to cover her crotch. And it doesn't seem like a fluke as all the Getty images of her are posed with her hands covering her crotch. It doesn't look like the most revealing dress on the red carpet, but maybe it is...
Biggest accessory:
Taylor Swift's squad. Because what's a bigger and more powerful product placement than a clutch handbag with the words 'Bad Blood' written on it? A group of girls who you hired to be in your music video debuting that night, purposefully flanking each side of you.
Now, because it's getting late, and this post is already a day later than planned, I'm just going to skip the nominees and give you my worst and best dressed for the night.
And the winners are...
Worst Dressed:
Hailee Steinfeld. I'm sure one day her kooky dress sense will get it right, but what I don't like about this outfit is 1) the weird half-attached window netting, 2) the belt that looks dollar store cheap, and 3) the entire dress looks ordered from China or bought from TradeMe sellers cheap. The shoes are the closest to the only thing I like, but even that's a stretch.
and
Best Dressed....
Zendaya. The awkward moment when Zendaya actually outshines Taylor Swift's pair of white pants and some white bunting and calling that a jumpsuit. Zendaya's outfit is flawless. From the appliqué to the print to the perfect touch of turquoise earrings and turquoise shoes that doesn't colour overwhelm the outfit. It is so perfect and is perfect for her.
But I honestly can't finish of course without a
Lady Gaga award to someone. So meet
Dencia.
It's like if Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj ever created an outfit together, this would probably be the result...
