http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=223309871&ed=true
I LOVE funny online auctions.
And this one is brilliant. You have to read this. The images are fantastic. And the story is actually making me laugh out loud, along with some of the questions.
Here - Have a read.
Old mid 80's Fisher and Paykel top loader.
Goes like a rocket!
By 'goes like a rocket' I actually mean that literally.
It actually shakes the house.
It's the loudest most violent sounding washing machine I have ever encountered.
It makes guests scared and children cry. I've lived with it like that for almost a year and it still scares me.
Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.
I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.
I think it would be good to paint it matt black and put steel spikes all over it and draw demons on the front, however I have added an image of another possible customization option for people who like horses.
On heavy duty spin cycle it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory.
Thankfully it's bite is not as bad as it's bark. It washes fine, completes cycles, does everything it's supposed to.
It leaks a bit when it's running, always has.
Its a bit grubby, could do with a wipe down, I refuse to touch it because I'm still getting over the whole dinosaur scare thing.
If your in a fix and need a cheap washing machine and are either completely deaf or hate your neighbours this baby is for you.
$1 reserve, pick up only, Waterview Auckland.
Selling to pay for my counseling.
And here is some of my favourite Q&As that I've read so far (Honestly, theres heaps!)
Why are you even doing the washing? Don't you have a wife? moochiecat (109 ) 8:50 am, Tue 9 Jun
Well I DID...I didn't bring that up as I didn't want to put buyers off. I'm afraid it took her too. It's ok though at least she still has the iron. 9:55 am, Tue 9 Jun
My daughter is having a dance party this weekend---can I borrow it for some background bass noise for them? terryb_1 (27 ) 12:43 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Do you hate your daughter and her friends or something? i would never ever inflict this thing's wrath on a family member. No way, not after my loss :( 2:13 pm, Tue 9 Jun
does it eat socks too? pnutz (121 ) 1:35 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Funny you should say that, I used to enjoy a variety of different coloured socks. I used to wear Move on a Monday, Turquoise on a Tuesday, White on a Wednesday etc etc but the sadistic machine kept taking the left one so I had to buy all black socks. Now its easy i can just use any pair. The left over socks I used to make giant multi-coloured gloves incase I ever get sucked through the portal into Giant ice land. I will used them to appease the cold angry giants and win their affection. 2:29 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Well, I don't need a wash-machine but well done! I hope y'all get "LOADS" for it Ho ho! ;0) dartangnan (7495 ) 5:33 pm, Tue 9 Jun
That was funny you said "Loads" meaning loads of money but also referring to "Loads" of washing, and this is a washing machine bah ha ha ha thats hilarious because it's a play on words. I'm going to write it down in my notebook so I can tell it to my friend who likes play-on-word jokes. He'll love this one. 5:41 pm, Tue 9 Jun
No worries! Take it! It's a gift to you! Make it your'e own! And here I was thinking I was all "WASHED" up as a funny-woman! You certainly put the "SUDS" on that one! Well mate, keep your "POWDER" dry! And once again good luck! dartangnan (7495 ) 5:48 pm, Tue 9 Jun
You're unbelievable! I've written those ones down too, man Simon's going to crack up when I tell them to him. 5:53 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Thats so funny thank you, thats has made my day :):):):):) iddy1 (535 ) 6:55 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Do you always laugh at other people's misfortune? I do to its one of the highest forms of wit. Its usually funny because it's not me but this time it is me so I don't really know what to do. 9:52 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Have you considered speaking to the NZ Police, or the Auckland High Court folks? I think this wee beast would find a happy new home in the court room entrance. Or perhaps through reverse engineering jail cells could be retro-fitted with one as standard? I'm sure the dinosaurs would appreciate it as too, as humans rain down like popcorn chicken from the sky. nick431 (16 ) 7:58 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Dude you're weird..... 10:04 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Wonderful - I hope you either have or get a job writing copy - you'd be very well paid. Thanks for giving me a good laugh elwood0 (109 ) 9:30 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Nope I'm an inventor, last week I made a goldfish holder for the mantle-piece but you can only use it for up to ten minutes I've discovered. R.I.P Bubbles. 10:20 pm, Tue 9 Jun
My mate emailed me the link to this listing...You made my evening! Still laughing...!! Bloody hell! domarno (0 ) 9:35 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Why thank-you, it's my pleasure. I just wrote that and its way too boring. Here's a link to a cat with a lemon on its head. http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/6948/lemoncatsized7cb.jpg I look at it when I'm sad and I come right in no time. 10:24 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Do you think that it would make a good fairground ride if the right type of harness were used? Just thinking outside the square here. oliversm (12 ) 10:03 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Yeah way outside the square buddy. I think OHS would rain down on you like a tonne of bricks. Incidentally a tonne of feathers would be just as heavy as a tonne of bricks which is a thought I have always puzzled over. I still think I'd rather be smothered under a tonne of feathers though, I would rather risk the suffocation than be battered to a pulp by bricks. 10:36 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Is this an WMD,and what about North Korea?Does Kim know of this machines power? justkarl (4 ) 10:45 pm, Tue 9 Jun
I guess you could kind of call it a WMD, it is kind of part of the WMD of my house if you consider dirty water waste. Some people prefer to recycle their grey water, but these same people usually smell like onions. I prefer to just say Waste Management Division as acronyms are sometimes confusing. I used to think NASA stood for North And South America, boy was I embarrassed when I found out it actually means North American Saxophone Alliance. 10:57 pm, Tue 9 Jun
Okay, there are heaps more! but if I keep posting more, this blog post would be WAY too long- gotta leave for school now.
It's too good though. WIN
5:25pm- Mr Vintage.com (famous for Bain shirts and the Lady With a Moustache tees) have made teeshirts of the dinosaur drawings. LOVE!
http://www.mrvintage.co.nz/results.html?q=scary
