mel in the milkyway: Asians

currently: feeling sleepy on the couch.

My little sis just sent me this link from this Bebo Blog about Asians. Its too funny not to post. (Though I am Asian. So I may get the funniness of it.)

ASIANS

1. We do not comprehend the words "ching chong".

2. WHATTHEHELL does "ching chong" even mean?!

3. Not all Koreans make nuclear bombs or eat dogs.

4. Just cause you see an Asian person it doesn't mean they're Chinese, they could be Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Filipino etc.

5. We are not all COMMUNISTS.

6. We don't always eat egg rolls and when we do it's like once in a blue moon.

7. Asian girls with long black hair HATE being called The Grudge or the girl from The Ring. Same goes for Asian guys and being called Grudge boy.
[Mel's side note: I've been called the Grudge before in year 10. Just because I like having hair infront of my face.]

9. Dynasty Express and China King are not considered "real" Chinese food.

10. We don't use THAT much M-S-G.

11. Don't ask us to speak our language, we will when we feel like it.
[Mel's side note: Or if you ask me, I wouldn't even know how to speak it.]

12. We don't know how to translate your name so stop asking cause most likely we can't.
[Mel's side note: I don't even remember the full translation of my name.]

13. Don't ask us to teach you curse words either.

14. Stop trying to pair up Asian guys and girls at your school and say they look cute together. Not all Asians belong together.
[Mel's side note: I've never actually had that.]

15. All Asian countries speak different languages.

16. Just because we're Asian it doesn't mean that we know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do etc. Even though we are probably capable of kicking your butt anyway.
[Mel's side note: I know kung fu, karate, and 67 other dangerous words :D]

17. Don't say all Asian people look the same, that's like saying all white people look the same, all African Americans look the same and all Hispanics look the same. When will you realize your stupidity?
[Mel's side note: Though I will use this one day.]

18. Surprise! Not all Asians are good at maths.
[Mel's side note: I'm proof of that. Math is my worst subject.]

19. Not all Asians are short.
[Mel's side note: I am 5'2". That's taller than most people in Hong Kong.]

20. Or skinny.

21. By the way, it's VietNAMese, not VietMANese.

22. Not all Asian families run a nail shop although some of them do.

23. Same goes for convenient stores and laundromats.

24. What do you people stare at? Haven't you seen an Asian person before?

25. Just to let you know, it's NOT funny when you tape your eyes up and start speaking gibberish. That just gives us another reason to kick your butt.

26. Go ahead, make fun of us. We'll just make fun of you in our own language.

27. It's ok for us to call each other F.O.B's but if you call us one you're asking for a beating.

28. Yeah we eat rice, so what? Got rice?
[Mel's side note: rice is good.]

29. Don't fold your hands and bow at us like you know what you're doing cause honestly you look like an idiot.

30. Don't ask if the Chinese use cat in their food, if they did they would label it "cat lo mein" instead of beef lo mein. They don't use cat if you didn't already guess that by now.

31. No...Yao Ming is not my uncle.

32. Chopsticks are the perfect utensil and the easiest to wash.
[Mel's side note: Though they can fall down the drain.]

33. White rice is the perfect side dish.

34. Soy Sauce tastes great on almost everything.
[Mel's side note: It's not as good as Mayonnaise.]

35. People from India are Asians too.

36. People from the Middle East are just as Asian as people from the southeast.



THINGS THAT ARE SADLY TRUE FOR [some] ASIANS.

Your parents still tries to get you into places half-price saying you are 12 when you are really 15.
[Mel's side note: I just naturally look young though. I passed as 10 in Denny's Resturant for 4 years.]

You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.

Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
[Mel's side note: Though I am Chinese. Kinda.]

You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.

Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.

You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
[Mel's side note: I'm cheap.]

You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
[Mel's side note: You don't want to see some of the food I've seen.]

You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean - ee - yah! or Mary - yah!).
[Mel's side note: Or in my fam in Malaysia - they say "Lah!"]

You have no eyelashes.

Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc.
[Mel's side note: They will forever annoy me.]

Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
[Mel's side note: Or like my "grandmother" - leave grains of rice means your husband/wife will have holes in their face.]

Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
[Mel's side note: It's possible.]

Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), they study even more."
[Mel's side note: *sigh* those speeches...]

Your parents expect you'll be best friends with anyone off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.

An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"

Everyone thinks you're good at math.
[Mel's side note: FAIL.]

You like $1.75 movies.

You like $1.50 movies even more.
[Mel's side note: Where do you even find them?.]

Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense.
[Mel's side note: They're pretty cool.]

Your parents insist you marry within your race.

"You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"
[Mel's side note: My dad says he studied by candle light because they didn't have lamps.]

People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.

Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."

The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses
[Mel's side note: My vision is pretty okay compared to others.]

You will most likely be taller than your parents.
[Mel's side note: FAIL. for me]

Your parents have either make you play the piano, the violin, or both.
[Mel's side note: I CHOSE to]

You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.

The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.

You own a rice cooker or two.

You buy soy sauce by the gallon.

Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.

Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country.
[Mel's side note: I've heard the '5 kilometres with no shoes' story.]

Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.



Those Asians. LOL.